MANA
Content warning: some readers may find content disturbing with references to drugs, depression and mental health.
Deuteronomy 28:1 "If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully follow all His commands I will give you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations on earth".
"I grew up with strong family ties to the Rātana movement. That heritage was everything to my whānau, and as a young adult I began training to be a Rātana priest, mainly to make my family proud. Rātana was all I knew. We would go to ‘church’ on the marae, read from the book, follow the rituals, yet the name of Jesus was never once mentioned.
"When I met my partner, things shifted. We fell pregnant, and because neither of us really understood each other’s beliefs, expectations, or views of church, it quickly became an argument about where we would raise our child. In the end, we decided to visit each other’s churches before making a decision.
"We went to mine first. It was familiar, what I had always known. Then we went to hers. During the service, they spoke a lot about Jesus. Suddenly, I was touched by the Holy Spirit in a way that shook me to my core. I trembled, I shook, I got so uncomfortable I walked out, thinking it was some kind of witchcraft. “I’m not going back there,” I thought. Yet afterwards, I couldn’t help but reflect, I had been going to church my whole life, and never once had I experienced anything like that.
"In the end, we chose to attend her church. Over time, I gave my heart to the Lord, was Baptised, and just five months later we married.
"We served faithfully in that church for the next ten years. But behind the scenes, I battled depression and anxiety. We both battled addiction. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t break free. We were taught performance, to look the part, dress the part, do all the “right” things, rather than true heart transformation. Our lives from Monday to Saturday looked completely different to our Sundays. We were living a double life. Eventually, we couldn’t do it anymore. After ten years, we felt completely empty, the routine of religion had left us dry, and we longed for something deeper.
"So, we left that church and tried visiting others, searching for something real, but after a while we gave up and stopped going altogether. We never wanted to leave God, but slowly, distance crept in, and we quickly drifted into darkness. We were still good parents, our kids always came first, but the enemy lured us into a toxic lifestyle. Weed, alcohol, and dealing drugs became normal. Addiction gripped us. Arguments turned to fighting. Mental health issues piled on top of us. The hurt we were causing each other became too vicious to ignore. Finally, we both agreed, for the sake of our children, it had to stop.
"We made the painful decision to separate. For once, we were on the same page, which in itself felt like a miracle. We sat our four children down and told them, watching their little hearts break right in front of us. It’s still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. As the stay-at-home dad, we agreed it would be less disruptive for the kids if their mum moved out, so she did.
"Not long into our separation, she called and asked if the kids wanted to come with her to church. All of them said yes. She picked them up, took them, and dropped them home afterwards. I told her straight: “I don’t want a Christian wife.” To which she replied, “That’s ok, because I don’t want a non-Christian husband.”
"A couple of months later, I was working with youth at risk when one of the boys asked me to take him to church. Reluctantly, I reached out to my ex and asked if it would be weird if I brought him to her church. She said it would be fine and told me I could sit at the other end of the row so no one would think we were back together.
"That Sunday, I was overwhelmed with guilt, shame, and brokenness. I felt so exposed. Embarrassed, I left partway through, thinking it wasn’t professional for me to be sitting there crying while I was supposed to be working.
"The next week, I wasn’t working, and I asked if I could come again, this time just for me. She agreed, with the same condition: sit at the other end of the row.
"That day, the pastor, who had never met me before, called us out and began to prophesy over us, “Change is coming, actually it’s now, relationships will be restored, a flood of God’s love and presence will come upon our household”. He told me God is after me and all the stuff in my past is going to be washed away by a King Tide of his Love.
"It was overwhelming. It was powerful. For the first time in a long time, I felt truly seen by God. That very day, we both knew, we needed to give our relationship another chance, but this time with Jesus at the centre.
"One of the key points the pastor told us was “All you need to do is love Jesus.” And so, love Jesus is all we did, we didn’t focus on what we needed to change or if it was even possible, we just loved Jesus, and through his powerful unconditional transforming love, we’ve watched God do miracle after miracle in our lives and in the lives of our children. What He has done for our family of six is nothing short of life-changing.
"Our lives now stand as a testimony to His power, His timing, His mercy, His forgiveness, and His unfailing love. He is the God who restores. He is the God who heals. And He is the God who makes all things whole again".
2 Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast".