*Content warning: some readers may find content upsetting, controversial or offensive.
BEE OF JESUS
"I don't remember anyone ever telling me about Jesus. But I believe I knew Him when I was in my mothers womb".
'Bee of Jesus' not his real name but a bold statement leaving his old gang life behind and focusing on a new blessed future with Jesus. Life began in Tauranga as an only child. He was raised by both parents, his Nan and step brother. His parents never spoke about Jesus even though as a young boy he started asking his father "Dad, do you know God?" His Father couldn't answer, but Bee of Jesus remembers saying to him "I know God, Dad". In his adult life his Dad told him "you always had a a thing for God even when you were a little kid. None of us told you about Him". Only his Nan "had faith in God" and Bee of Jesus now wonders if she had always prayed for him.
"When I was 12 years old my Mum left my Dad. Broke her marriage vows and cheated on my Dad twice, with another woman. Dad was devastated. My Dad and my Nan then brought me and my step brother up. The breakup hit me like a sucker punch (an unexpected punch or blow). I was sore, I was crying, I was hurt. I feel this was the beginning of strong feelings of abandonment. The pain of my mother leaving my Dad broke my heart. She couldn't be loyal to the vows she made. It was my first broken heart. The tests and trials began. I was still at school smoking cigarettes and joints, and when I turned 15, my uncle introduced me to p (meth) 'wanna try this boy?'. I loved it. It took away the pain. I felt liked again. I felt accepted. I was expelled from school at 16 and began work as a roofer. When I got to 17, I got pretty hard out (got into meth). Add in gangs, drugs, meth and alcohol and a relationship that produced 3 kids. The abusive generational habits spiraling out of control. "I was out there by the age of 21. Four years deep (I wanted meth every day). I felt meth opened my mind up. I started talking to demons. Playing with them. I now believe I was meant to go through that stage in my life so I could understand the truth, good and bad. At the end of the day they work together and Jesus allows it to happen. I didn't see I had a choice as I was still so covered in pain. I was caught up in another generation of broken relationships. Broken broken broken".
"When I was 21 my kids were taken off me. I was in jail aged 23. My first lag [jail sentence] was for violence and theft. The violence mainly towards my babies Mumma. My fault. I was fully on meth when I went to jail, but when the reality of my choices hit me, I dropped to my knees in that prison cell, picked up the Bible and cried out to Jesus. Rock bottom. I knew He was the only one who could help me. I knew I was a better person. I knew I had hurt other people and done wrong. I had to accept what I had done. My B.S.! I got let out on bracelet and moved to Taupo to start a new life as the victim (of my abuse) was still in Tauranga".
I was in and out of jail till I was 34. I am now 36 and it was only about a year ago I was off meth. Even when I got out of jail I still felt drawn back to it, I felt the pain of my past and thought I knew how to numb it." What I found out quickly was the 'higher ground' I found before didn't work anymore. It had been shut off. The meth high just wasn't there anymore. It's like when I heard His voice (Jesus) it was so peaceful, soothing and calm and I feel like I'm in the air floating, my whole body up there with Jesus. I felt Him say 'no more p. If you fall back, you will die'. I asked Jesus to take the meth addiction away and he did. So I asked Him to take the weed addiction away and Jesus said 'its not for me to take this away, its for you to give up'. So I did. I gave up weed just like that. I had to leave a lot of people behind. I had to leave behind pretty much all I knew. Most of me. I was reborn and my mind was different. Everything I used to do in the past has now been blocked. I know I used to do it, but now those thoughts have been replaced. "All the experiences I've had with Jesus, I know I've had them, I cant explain them, it can sometimes sound confusing. Everything Jesus has said and done for me, is far too great for me to understand fully. I just have to carry on in the power that comes from God. People accuse me of being crazy. People say I'm cooked (still on meth). People say I don't even know. But deep down I know. I will carry on. I will just suck up the negative and pray as Jesus did on the cross, forgive them Father for they don't know what they're saying."
"I feel peace now. No demons. The reality of this is now. I feel like my back is facing the future and my front is facing the past. I don't know where I'm going in the future, but I'm looking at all the people I left behind. The Lord is taking me, He is guiding me forward and I am walking backwards into the future. I don't know what is going to happen. I don't care cause the Lord's got me. I just wait for Him to tell me every day what to do. As for me and my household we will serve the Lord". I am trying to show my new partner a picture of my reality with Christ as the head of my life. Me as a good and caring Dad, and me as a faithful partner. I see clearly now my role as a Father, provider and protector in my household. The head of the household but under the authority of Almighty God.
Bee of Jesus ends his testimony saying "if you're struggling and can't see a way to break free, get on your knees and invite Jesus into your life. Jesus is waiting for you. Invite Him in. Jesus asks you to do your part and He promises to meet you half way. You have to accept His offer. Say yes!"