***CONTENT WARNING: Some readers may find content disturbing with references to drugs, alcohol and miscarriage.
KYLIE McCARTHY
"I was given prophetic words and during the following years when my life went off the rails, these words have been highlighted to me. 'You are to be known as a women of the Lord, a woman of God. I see you speaking to young women. I believe God is going to open your mouth, in fact the Lord says, "my daughter I will open your mouth and fill it with the very high things of the Lord. I will fill it with oracles of God. I will fill it with my word and as you speak the word of the Lord, if you speak about healing, healing is going to flood out of you like a river. If you speak a word of deliverance, deliverance is going to flood out of you like a river. If you speak a word about healing, people are going to healed all around you. If you speak a word about miracles, miracles will happen all around you. In fact God says, I will give you such a strong word coming out of your mouth, it will be as if Jesus is standing in your body and speaking out of you and your mouth will be opened but the Lord says I will be the one that will speak my word out of you. The Lord also says you have a great compassion for your friends who do not know me. The Lord says I am going to make an open doorway into their lives, and as you are faithful to me, many of your friends are going to come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour'.
My due birth date was 31 December but I had other ideas. I was ready to come out but then completely flipped, a 180 degree and so by 02 January, Mum needed an emergency C section. I was very distressed and needed to stay incubated in intensive care for 2 weeks with a collapsed lung so the initial bonding with Mum was impossible. But I was alive and even at this early point, the miraculous hand of God was upon me. I was destined for great things.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future".
It seems throughout my life there have been some random events although I couldn't see at the time, I can now clearly see God's hand at work. When I was about 2 our family went into the bush and a family friend (aged 10) encouraged me to cross over the river on a fallen tree bridge. The dog scampered across after my friend and then it was my turn. I ended up in the river and my friend rescued me from a certain drowning. Another morning when I was about 3, whilst me parents lay sleeping, I decided to run away. I took my teddy bear and pillow, and wandered off down the road. At the local kindy, I saw kittens playing so I went in there. I was not aware of the search party out looking for me but eventually was reunited with my distraught parents. I was in my 4th year when my sister was born and I resented her taking over the very little precious time I spent with my Mum. I felt no bond with my Dad. Nana who lived just up the road, became a great listener and companion.
Aged 9 at a Holy Spirit night at church I was given the gift of speaking in tongues. I was prophesied over with these words. 'You are to be known as a women of the Lord, a woman of God. I see you speaking to young women. I believe God is going to open your mouth, in fact the Lord says my daughter I will open your mouth and fill it with the very high things of the Lord. I will fill it with oracles of God, I will fill it with my word and as you speak the word of the Lord, if you speak about healing, healing is going to flood out of you like a river. If you speak a word of deliverance, deliverance is going to flood out of you like a river. If you speak a word about healing people are going to healed all around you. If you speak a word about miracles, miracles will happen all around you. In fact God says, I will give you such a strong word coming out of your mouth, it will be as if Jesus is standing in your body and speaking out of you and your mouth will be opened but the Lord says I will be the one that will speak my word out of you. The Lord also says you have a great compassion for your friends who do not know me. The Lord says I am going to make an open doorway into their lives, and as you are faithful to me many of your friends are going to come to know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour'.
Also around 9, I reached a stage in my early life when I wanted special things, and if my parents couldn't give them to me, I would help myself to them. A cycle of stealing began. I was also successful in my lying explaining 'things' away to my questioning parents. I fell off my bike and dislocated my hip needing traction in hospital and it was during this time I was introduced to pain killers. When I did return to school my teacher had told the class about my stealing and I found I had no friends. From intermediate I got in with the wrong crowd, so by high school smoking cigarettes lead to weed and wagging classes. In desperation my Mother pulled me out and put me into a local Christian school, but I soon found new friends to be naughty and creative with. I'm not easily pressured and can make up my own mind but when at 16, I was introduced to meth and after observing the favourable effects, I succumbed. I was kicked out of school, worked and saved for my own car. My attitude to life was, I just didn't care. I loved a challenge. A born rebel. But God had implanted in me a warrior spirit.
Life was a blur with days of being awake and then periods of intense sleeping. I almost missed my 18th birthday in this haze. I fell asleep at the wheel of the car one night and was woken up just in time to stay safe. I also worked a regular job and don't think at work they had any clue of the stuff I was up to. I got myself into so many situations that were not good at all. I had a moment very recently when I asked God where He was during these times. He gave me several graphic flashbacks to points in my life, showing me He was always right there. He was there for me every time. In the incubator. When I fell into the river he was under the water holding me up so I didn't drown. Vivid pictures.
At 20 to get away from that whole scene I decided to move to Auckland and make a fresh start. I knew no-one. I had no car but found a job walking distance from a flat and swapped the drugs for binge drinking. Walking home alone drunk at night was not ideal, but again God was watching over me. I met by chance a female friend I had known from the past and we decided to move into a large townhouse in another suburb with 2 others woman. Eight of the sixteen townhouses within the complex got on really well and there were many bbqs, fun parties and mischief. I was back into meth and lost too much weight to be healthy. My alcoholic boyfriend was my first serious relationship. He introduced me to his mate who had a girlfriend and we all hung out a lot. After much conflict, we both split up with our partners and having first formed a base of friendship, we got together. Drugs became the focus of our lives and we got into bad debt and habits. I was so skinny and unhealthy, coming home even in my lunchbreak for a pipe. Every time I looked in the mirror I just saw me. Eventually we jointly decided we needed to stop smoking but the hold it had on my partner was intense. It was during this time we found I was pregnant which cemented our decision to stay away from the drugs. The day of my 12 week scan I woke to find I was lying in a pool of blood and had lost the baby. The only way we knew how to cope was through alcohol and smoking, and went back down the rabbit hole. We got engaged before the miscarriage, and were married 3 months later. We decided to move away from Auckland and closer to family and support. The first miscarriage and the days that followed were the hardest, but I thank God for my praying Mum and Nana, and a God who watched over me and never left my side.
KYLIE McCARTHY
Psalm 139:13 For you created my innermost being you knit me together in my Mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in a secret place.
"The first miscarriage was the hardest as we were both so excited. The shock and sadness was real and raw. However, dealing with other people's sympathy was a struggle. It [miscarriage] was just part of my life and something I could not change so I had to deal with it and move on and although I was grateful for the caring, I just couldn't handle people feeling sorry for me. I'd never experienced anything like it before [miscarriage].
Soon after I had to be booked in for a specific procedure, when I found out what the procedure [D and C] was —the same as what is required for an abortion, I was shocked. I had to go through the procedure as a means to ensure my body was free from any remaining tissue and prevent infection, but what I couldn’t believe was someone would willingly choose to do this. To have a healthy baby removed in this way. I believe that foundational belief was always in me, possibly from my upbringing. The absolute injustice of it still frustrates me today.
The day we were expecting to go for our 12 week scan had us so excited to see our baby. But instead we saw one of several scans proving the baby was no longer alive. We tried to pick up the pieces of our life, and in order to cope we made some dumb choices and went down the rabbit hole once more [drugs and alcohol].
We had decided, soon after we found out we were pregnant, we would move from Auckland to Tauranga to be closer to family and get married. After we were married and settled in our own home, we decided we would try [to conceive] again, as having a family was part of our dream. So when we found I was pregnant again, we decided we wouldn’t tell anyone, except… I told my Mum. This time after some niggly pain, came another miscarriage at about 8 weeks. The third time I miscarried at 6 weeks. The fourth pregnancy was again a secret, but each time naturally I wondered, is this the one. I made a choice that I wasn’t going to be anxious, I didn’t want anything to pass on to the baby growing inside me so I spent most days resting on the couch. I believe Mum prayed for us every time I was pregnant, but one particular Sunday we decided to go to her church where the senior Pastors prayed for us and our baby. After 9 months our baby kept me on the couch for 11 days past his due date. I wanted to have a water birth and if necessary, a little gas. However I had to be induced and have my waters broken as baby was too happy where he was and not ready to leave. I was given an epidural and had to be taken for an emergency c-section. Eventually our son was born. He was crying but as soon as the he was placed next to me and I spoke to him, he stopped. He recognised my voice instantly. A hungry big boy at 57cm long and 4.66 kgs (10.5 lbs).
Adjusting to the birth of our first child, recovering from a caesarean, unsuccessful breast feeding, hormones and lack of sleep all contributed to me not wanting to be near our long awaited baby boy. I tried to push through but failed. In desperation my husband phoned the midwife who advised me to express [breastmilk] and bottle feed him. This was the answer and relieved a lot of what I felt. Two weeks after his birth he was sleeping through the night. I believe he was a miracle baby and God gave me that time to adjust.
After yet another miscarriage, which didn't phase me as I think I felt somewhat immune to the disappointment. But also due to other factors in my marriage I had reached an all-time low. I couldn't stop the tears and didn't know where to go or what to do. It was during this dark emotional time my husband came and asked ‘what do you want to do?’ through the tears I managed to blurt out, I think we need to go to church. My parents were surprised to see us arrive at church, and that day I recommitted my life to Jesus. I have continued to be in church and relationship with God since then.
A short while later we needed to find a new place to live, God gave me a picture of a brick house, with green trees outside the back door, and the day we would get it would be a Wednesday. We were offered the house out of 100 applicants and every detail of the picture was true including signing the paper work for it on a Wednesday.
During 2016 I was at a prophetic training night where I was given a word that I would be pregnant by the end of the year. Little did the person know the history I had, had with miscarriage. As that year went by it got to September and found out I was pregnant again, hope was at an all-time high because of the word I had been given earlier that year. It just had to be. But, it wasn’t, I had another miscarriage however, we still had 3 months left in the year and were hopeful. New year’s eve came and went…. not pregnant. By this time I had lost all hope. At the beginning of January, not long after my 30th birthday, I was so over it all and decided to have the 3 month contraceptive injection. I regretted it immediately and went into a very dark hole. Not eating, barely functioning, only enough to look after our son but thankfully I was still spending time with God at night journalling my thoughts and sadness. I didn’t want to die, I just wanted all the noise in my head to stop. I felt like there was this big cloud all around my head and felt frustrated at how low I was and my inability to get myself out of it. I'm trying Lord but I just can’t shake it. One day in my frustration, I cried out to God and could see the letters ‘Ps’ in my mind and then the number 139 followed by 143. I looked up those verses and felt I could have written them myself.
Psalm 139:7-13 Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say surely the darkness will hide me and the light will become night around me, the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
I have been set free from depression, fear and anxiety and have a deeper walk with the Lord.
After a total of 6 miscarriages, I believed the problem was with me as I was getting pregnant but unable to hold the pregnancy. We decided to try fertility treatment and had the necessary tests and assessments. Then C19 happened which resulted in follow up appointments being cancelled and dates for further assessments being pushed out. By this time I was sick of going through the disappointment every month, I thought, let's just be grateful we have our son and the miracle he is.
Much to our surprise I found I was pregnant again. Things felt different this time. I laughed to myself as I felt the Holy Spirit remind me in a loud whisper “IT’S THE END OF THE YEAR”. We found out we were pregnant in November, 4 years after the prophetic word. As the weeks went by I felt assured this pregnancy was different. At a pre-natal check it was found I had placenta previa [a pregnancy complication that occurs when the placenta partially or fully covers the cervix]. The midwife prepared me saying 'as the baby grows it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when you will start to bleed. You will not be able to have a natural birth'.
Because this pregnancy felt so different I was certain we were going to have a girl, but our son was adamant he was getting a brother. We took our son along to the scan and it was confirmed we were having another boy. He was ecstatic. At around 28 weeks, one Sunday morning when we were getting ready for church, I noticed I was bleeding I was taken to hospital, thankfully just for the night, and returned home the next day. A couple more weeks passed and I had another small bleed. As it happened I wouldn’t return home this time, I would remain in hospital for the duration of my pregnancy. Medical staff at Tauranga were concerned if the bleeding didn’t stop and baby did come at 30 weeks they did not have the facilities to look after such premature babies.
As they were unable to stop the bleeding, I was taken over to Waikato hospital. Once on the ward after the very long day with needles being inserted, tests done and all the medical talk, I had, had a shower and was getting ready for bed. I decided to get up and go to the bathroom. As I pushed myself up on the bed, I felt a whoosh and knew something was not as it should be. I was gushing blood. Doctors and nurses were rushing around me. I got out my phone and messaged the prayer team to pray specifically as I was losing a lot of blood. I felt super calm and know it was the presence of God. People were panicking and I was completely at peace, although feeling rather lightheaded due to the blood loss.
The Doctors were trying for our baby not to be born. I lost 1.5 litres of blood and the Doctors advised me when it happened again (not if) it would be twice as much. But for the moment we were safe. I felt God knew how long I was to stay in hospital and provided a room in HDU (high dependency ward) with an amazing view where in early morning, I could see the hot air balloons rising up over Hamilton. I was still working online from my hospital bed but wished I was home or at least back in Tauranga closer to my son and family. At 32.5 weeks I was released back to Tauranga hospital and God provided another great room. Every day that passed I was able to breathe more easily knowing our baby was developing and he was in the best possible place.
One evening I was sitting up in bed watching TV, crocheting and felt something change. I quickly pulled on some track pants and skated down the hall to the toilet to push the emergency button. I was rushed to a delivery suite where there were a lot of people busily taking care of everything to prep me for surgery. The doctor was going over all my consent forms to make sure I understood everything, she asked me if I had any questions, the only question I had was ‘can you tie my tubes while you’re in there?’ I had decided there was no way I was going through all this again! So 6 weeks early (at 34 weeks) we welcomed our wee son born at a healthy weight 2.77 kgs (6.1 lbs). Although I lost a further 3.5 litres of blood and baby was jaundiced (created when red blood cells break down) and moving in a wheelchair, I was able to at last see and hold my baby for the first time. After 2 more weeks in hospital, we were able to take him home. I believe because I was walking with the Lord, I was calm through it all. This happy ending was only possible because God answered the prayers so many people. With God all things are possible and our second miracle baby born into His kingdom.
This wasn’t the end of the struggles. Settling in at home with a new baby that was very different to our first, was challenging with many sleepless nights. I was adamant this time around I was going to breastfeed, and nothing would stop me. I persevered through intense pain and eventually after Doctors visits and antibiotics that didn’t work, I consulted a lactation expert. She identified immediately what was wrong and prescribed specific vitamins to help. I was determined more than ever to persevere with breastfeeding, but this time I had God on my side plus a simple explanation and remedy. If I had not been walking with God I would not have been so calm. This happy ending was only because of God and so many people praying.
UNSHAKEABLE FAITH - Kylie McCarthy
"One weekend in 2023, I felt a real heaviness, a low in my spirit. I recognised the signs of darkness and didn't want to go back to that dark place again. The misery and sadness, all too familiar, where I couldn't even get out of bed. I went straight to the Bible but in my heaviness, I didn't even know where to read. I shut my Bible and went into that head space of wallowing and feeling like I didn't know how to fight this again. I asked my husband to pray for me, and explained, I feel like I'm going backwards and back to somewhere I don't want to go.
"After a few days of feeling so low and not being able to lift myself, or even read the word of God, I needed something that made reading the word simple and to tell me who I am in Him. The Holy Spirit reminded me of the old school promise cards my Nana had when I was young.
"I shopped around but found nothing that appealed. An idea dawned on me, ‘why don’t I make my own cards?’ I started putting some energy into this and used my creativity to design something appealing, nice to look at, yet functional. That’s when the “my identity in him” cards came about. I decided, these would be great gifts and started off by giving them to friends and people God put on my heart. People then encouraged me to sell them – it took a bit of persuading before I eventually entertained the idea.
"Once on board, I thought, firstly before I do anything I need a brand name. I believe God dropped the name into my spirit as 'unshakeable faith.' It immediately felt right. Then I thought, this would look great on tees, hoodies and other merch—so I got designing. This was the best part, I loved designing but I had no experience in starting a business, marketing, ordering product or selling. I however, really needed to reign in my designs and not get carried away. I sat down with one of my friends who just happens to be amazing at all things marketing (and more). I was given some much needed advice around website content and the marketing side of things. I decided to tweak my designs but found over time the business just went nowhere. What I really needed was money to take this further – money I didn’t have. So, everything just sat in the background, the website, the designs, and I did nothing further with it.
"In July 2023, a visiting Pastor at church gave me a word. He called me forward and spoke these words over me 'I see this contract coming to Australia, I see it coming your way. God is going to give you creative ideas beyond your imagination and the stress in your life is going to reduce, cause you go to bed but your mind goes 1,000 miles an hour. The key to your business is forgiving a specific family member, that’s the key. You want success… forgive. When you make that decision, cause it’s not an emotional decision, it’s a choice —everything will fall into place. The reason everything’s on a stop at the moment is you haven’t forgiven. You do it now, tomorrow… it’s going to blow your mind’.
"As I drove home I felt the Lord say, you need to write a letter. The next day, as I wrote the letter it was such a release (there were definitely a few tears). I thought maybe this is it, all I need to do is write the letter acknowledging I had forgiven them. Then God told me, 'no, you need to deliver the letter'. Ok Lord, I trust you. I know the letter was read but the importance for me was my obedience.
"Exactly one year later, I felt the Lord challenge me about getting the business up and running. But how Lord, I need money? His response was 'do you trust me'? The friend who was helping me suggested I could add an incentive with each order but put a date on the shipping delivery. In effect the order would pay for itself. It would provide a window where I could buy the stock and send it through to the customer. To spur on the orders, I arranged to do a pre-launch with professional photos taken of friends modelling the garments. Finding the right platform for ads and marketing isn’t easy without money. Unshakeable faith originally started in monochrome, but now I’m looking to introduce colours—bringing more energy and fun in the hope of reaching a wider customer base.
2 Corinthians 5:7 'for we walk by faith not by sight'.
"Recently I was sitting in my car, and a guy came to talk to me after noticing my logo 'unshakeable faith' across my rear window. As we got chatting, we discovered we both went to the same church. He told me he had a business and worked with festivals and other events, printed merch and would like to help me out. A seemingly random connection but perhaps not. Thank you Lord!
"Going to the Bible is more than great, but if you're in that place where you don't know where to look, cards can be a great tool. You can pull out a card and focus on that for the day. Meditate on it and if you want to read more around it, the scripture is also there on the card, and you can go to your Bible. So many don't know who they are in Christ, and reading the Bible is hard. Where do you start? Everyone is searching for their own identity. We all want to know why we are here. Who are you? You only know who you are when you spend time with the Lord and realise, I am a child of God. Many people talk about their job, they're a Mum or a Dad, but not who they are.
"Creating good boundaries is something I am learning and implementing. I believe the Lord is teaching me this, so I will slow it all down and focus on where He wants me to be and on what He wants me to prioritise. I want to make this business work, and I enjoy the challenge. I must remember to stop and just, be. Busyness is not who I am in Jesus. The Lord said to me at the beginning of this journey, "do you trust me"? He does not expect me to do this alone. I am so thankful He is the lamp to my feet and the light to my path (Psalm 119:105) and I can trust Him".
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