** CONTENT WARNING : triggering content includes references to suicide and alcohol.
LISA
"I feel the need to shout from the roof tops the Lord has saved this sinner that was me and I was a sinner in many things. I am so blessed He has taken me under His wing and showed me the light and the truth in the way that is Jesus. The Lord has changed someone like me who no one thought in a million years would ever turn to Christianity. He has changed me in so many ways. I am blessed and honoured to say I love Jesus and that He is the Lord of my life".
Life began in Kerikeri with 3 younger sisters and parents who drank and smoked. My parents worked long hours to provide for us all , and as the eldest I was responsible for them and looked after them. I have always been an empathetic person and like to help others.
At 13, I struggled at home to fit in. "Mum and Dad were always fighting, and then they told me my Father was not my real Father. I was not his daughter by blood. I was shocked and this seriously impacted my life. I had struggled to find my place in my family, and had now found out why. It rocked my whole world. It really hurt and although I heard negative stories about my birth Father, I still wanted to find out for myself about this missing part of my life". My only release were the sport activities I was actively involved in. The "family joked about my puberty as I developed outwards and not upwards. Overnight I had curves and boobs. It was a lot to deal with plus realising I was not a full sibling to my sisters. It was hard".
"My Mum was quite strict and I was never allowed to go out and do stuff or hang out with friends. Lisa continues "as soon as I was 16 and still a virgin, I moved in with my boyfriend". He was raised by a strict Mormon family. "I knew nothing about religion, quite ignorant and thought my Dad calling religious people 'God botherers' was funny. I was raised with crystals, spirits and guides".
At 20 after a move from that small town, I found a life in Auckland as a single young woman, centered around drinking, smoking, drugs and promiscuity. Mum and Dad were getting a divorce and I was so homesick. I filled the void smoking and drinking at parties and nightclubs. "I was promiscuous often sleeping with more than one man at a time. I didn't like the way I was living and one day when I was about 28, decided enough was enough, plus I was also a single Mother and working full time. I decided to enrol in hairdressing and although I had to go on the benefit to support myself and my 5 year old son, I knew this was what I wanted to do".
Once I graduated I got a job in a good salon and continued training and courses. "I worked my way through many boyfriends who didn't treat me right. I wore my heart on my sleeve and got hurt a lot. I'm not perfect but I was just trying to find someone to share a life with. I knew being a solo Mother was not a great drawcard but I was trying to fill the empty place in my heart".
Finally I found my perfect job and helped build up this new salon and was promoted to Manager and senior stylist. It became an award winning Auckland hair salon. The challenge filled me with so much joy, I became addicted to work with long 12-14 hour days and often drinking afterwards. I was living an unhealthy lifestyle on alcohol and cigarettes. I met and fell in love with a smart and successful man who thought I was beautiful, funny and adventurous. We went overseas together to celebrate my 40th birthday and while away we got engaged. He accepted my son and my son looked up to him and respected him.
"About 8 weeks before our wedding day I suffered a severe stroke. An aneurysm [bulging, weakening in the wall of a blood vessel] burst in my brain which caused me to have a massive hemorrhage where my whole brain was covered in blood and short circuited, causing the stroke. It took out the left side of my body. The Doctors did not think I would survive and if I did they told me my life would never be the same. I had to learn to talk and walk again. I was having brain seizures as well, so my short term memory was affected and I could not remember things said to me a sentence before. I was in ICU for 4 weeks and after 2 more brain aneurisms were found, emergency procedures were carried out. I had so many people praying for me. People who had never met me. I had never known such an outpouring of love. I remained in hospital for another 3 weeks, but was discharged from hospital the day before my birthday and one week later we were due to be married". Covid complicated arrangements and closed Auckland borders, but on the day, in my wedding dress "I was determined to walk down the aisle without help and get married. My son gave me away" and my birth Father and his wife played our wedding song. "On the day of the wedding and over the honeymoon I felt my husband was pulling away from me. Our marriage was not consummated until months later. It was like something we had to do, but there was no love. I was newly married and not even able to do up my bra. I felt so alone. My body wasn't working properly and things (recovery) just were not happening quickly enough for me. I couldn't control my movements and went into a severe depression. My husband didn't want me. I was in so much pain all the time. I just wanted to not wake up the next day and be a burden to him and others around me. It was humiliating and I didn't want to carry on that way. I thought I don't want to be here anymore". I couldn't see light through the dark tunnel. I was so tired of the pain and tiredness. "If I just end this now I wouldn't need to suffer any more. I wouldn't be a burden to anyone else. Even though it wasn't my fault, it was a freak thing and I was lucky to be alive". Other thoughts said "you can't do this. What if you do get healed? There is no coming back from death. I thought about my son. If I do this, does it give him permission to do this too one day? I thought 'I've never given up on anything, I've always been a fighter. I made a decision I was not going to give up". As soon as I did, I felt something touch my heart. Lisa continues "at that time I just knew it was God who flooded me with His incredible light. I can only express this like pure love filling my heart. Was this really Jesus? I was shaking and crying but unsure of what had just happened, I rang my birth Father, a born again Christian and asked him to help me find out about Jesus. I knew if I just kept believing, everything would be ok. I believe the devil caused me to have the stroke so I would go through with ending things so he could claim me. But Jesus heard my heart and Jesus said 'NO you are not having her'. My husband had left me but once I accepted Jesus into my life things started to improve. I felt through Jesus I had more control over my life. My eyes and heart were opened to the love He had for me. I found an awesome Pentecostal church and was encouraged to be baptised. Apart from the birth of my son, this was the most amazing experience of my life! I had a renewed inner strength and when I started part time work again (sadly not hairdressing), random people would come up to me and give me a word or a prayer letting me know every day, Jesus cared".
Three years on, "I'm still struggling with the after effects of the stroke, but I believe I can be healed. Even though the Doctors have said I will never be healed completely, I think my time will come and God is a miracle worker. I have fought past the demons of my past and I am forgiven. I feel a peace and acceptance. The sky is the limit not my stroke. God has other plans for me".