STELLA
** CONTENT WARNING: Some readers may find content disturbing with references to abuse and drugs.
"Mum and Dad were into all sorts of new age stuff, so I guess I grew up in an alternative culture. Dad owned a crystal shop and both followed a guru Maharaji from India who taught peace and love. However, my parents split up when I was 5 and I ended up staying with Dad and living on his catamaran, and home schooled. Mum moved to the South Island with my older brother and sister. When Dad remarried I went to live with my Mum and started attending the local school. It was a big shock. I grew up on the farm with Mum and her partner who also had 3 children. He was a farmer, shearer and ex alcoholic and could be quite scary and hard.
"At 15, I decided to hitchhike with my boyfriend back up north and wanted to stay with Dad who was on his own by then. My boyfriend, 5 years older, was abusive. I became so broken down emotionally, I thought I was mad. During this time, my boyfriend went away and gave his heart to the Lord. While he was away and by myself I found I was being tormented by spirits flying around the house and past the windows. I could see things happening outside. I took on a puppy to keep me company, and the dog was growling under the doors and barking. When my partner returned he told me he had given his heart to the Lord and I realised I had never ever heard of Jesus. I was so keen to have what he had, so his brother lead me to the Lord over the phone. I remember him saying 'do you believe Jesus died on he cross for your sins'? and I was like, am I lying if I say I do cause I've never heard of that? I took a total leap of faith. I was all in. It was amazing and together with a bunch of young people we started going to church. All the while, all this abuse was taking place. Such a contradiction of who God is and what I was expected to be. I tried to move away from the constant abuse and went to live with Christian friends, but eventually after 2 pregnancies and little support, I realised it was God I moved away from. When my partner found I was pregnant for the second time he left me. I don't know why I was dumfounded, cause for a long time, I had dreamt of the day when he would just disappear. To get out of this hellhole and not knowing what to do or how to do it was torture. When the moment actually arrived, I was paralysed. Just into my 20's with a one year old and then told I was expecting twins was unimaginable. By the end of the pregnancy we were fighting through the Courts about custody and visitation rights, but on the day I was due in court to have my say, I went into labour.
"When my twins were two I met a man who was to be my future husband. It didn't take long for my son and twin girls to call my then boyfriend, Dad. There was no contact with their Father and they responded positively to a male figure in their lives. It made us a family which was great for a time. We married and it felt so good to be a Mum, Dad and 3 kids set up. I knew my husband had a past, but I felt we were doing it together and it would all work out. But I began noticing some disturbing signs. He was free and I had 3 kids. Although neither of us was walking with the Lord, He continued to bless me with great insights through visions and prophetic dreams. In one dream I saw something hidden, something like drug paraphenalia under the house. In my dream I walked down our garden path, past the corner of the house into the back of the garage. Right at the rear was an area storing my husband's work tools and equipment. Underneath his work bench was a cinder block and in the cinder block, when I put my hand inside, I found drug taking equipment and drugs. I woke with a start and went immediately through each step of my dream. What I found was exactly what my dream showed me. I don't know what shocked me most, the accurate detail of the dream becoming reality or the realisation of my worst fears. I became more attuned to the deception and there were too many instances to ignore. I found sometimes in my dreams all the pieces would come together and I could see the true picture. In my naivety the first 9 months of our marriage was really bad, and I wondered if that was what marriage was actually like. Maybe it was supposed to be turmoil until we figured it all out, but I struggled to find the truth and how I could trust anyone. The drug world was so insidious and rife in our lives, I was meant to believe it was 'normal'. Apparently, I was being over the top and unreasonable. A spiraling cycle of drugs, alcohol and the behaviours that accompanied it. I was in survival mode with 3 young kids and I felt I was not being a great parent. When we discovered I was pregnant, it set things in motion to get even worse. It did not fit in with my husbands idea of where we were going or how he chose to live his life. Sadly his addictions won him over and my life was filled with adrenalin and fear. I had such a high stress pregnancy and after our child was born, life did not improve. Again still not walking with the Lord but together with my Mum (now a born again Christian) I agreed that together we would commit my marriage to 40 days of prayer. I was drawn more and more to God's truth and felt a peace when I talked to others about God. Committing to 40 days of prayer really drew me into the Lord and into faith. Without actually changing in a physical sense, it just put me there in that place before God. Every day Mum and I would catch up for prayer and pray up a storm. We didn't miss a single day and I started to feel more strength. I anointed the doors and windows of the house and prayed over every room. I noticed the bad influence friends stopped coming into the house. I could visibly see the anointing working and gained confidence in the power of God. I started to go into warfare prayer when he was out at night but didn't see any fruits at that time. It was so hard and I found it challenging to stay committed. All along I felt God saying to me 'don't worry about him, I've got him'. Over and over again, God reassured me of this truth. On the 40th day my husband and I had a huge blow up. I hid my phone because I was afraid he would pick it up and smash it. When my Mum couldn't get hold of me, she rang the local Police. The Police could see I was dealing with someone who was not in a rational state of mind and removed him. We had a time apart and I got busy making plans to move with my 4 kids, to where my Mum lived in the South Island and wanted to be gone before the protection order expired.
"The Lord spoke to me and said 'wait the weekend out'. As I waited, the Lord literally brought my husband to his knees before Him. God took him to the end of himself where he was forced to admit he could not carry on. I started to see God working out every detail and how valuable the 40 days of prayer had been. In the supernatural, God had done the impossible. He brought my husband to a point where he agreed to let me to pray for him, and I prayed God would break off the spirit of addictions, lies and deception, and bring the darkness to light. My husband then admitted to all his wrong doings and deceptiveness. Although its good when the truth comes out, I was shattered. Every doubt and imagination I had, was now laid bare before me. I had been right all along and it hurt so much. I felt broken. He wanted to come home but I needed him to prove to me he was willing to change and would actually take steps, massive steps, to heal. He was tormented by an evil spirit and was terrified. He started to really 'need the Lord' and so together we started to pray and he gave his heart to Jesus. During this time, I went to a church and the Pastor told me 'God is going to set you free'. This was reinforced when my Mum phoned me and told me God told her my husband had been delivered and set free. As soon as she said that, all the fears and doubts and mistrust just fell off me. It was supernatural. I can't explain it any other way. I agreed to my husband moving back home to start rebuilding and being a family together again. Such a miraculous turn around. We began teaching the kids about God, praying together and centering our lives on God's word. The Lord started showing up for my husband and almost every day he saw miracle after miracle. The presence of God was undeniable and in my wildest dreams I could never have imagined an outcome as positive as this. Even though there have been ups and downs since, our faith has grown. We know prayer works and strongholds are broken in the name of Jesus. We are so grateful to God for what He has done in our lives, and in the lives of our family".
Psalm 121:8 " The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."