**CONTENT WARNING: Some readers may find content disturbing with references to drugs, alcohol and violence.
JEREMIAH
PART 1 of 2 parts
" I grew up in Otara with my Dad as the only family member out of several brothers and sisters that grew up with him, the others split and went with their Mum's. Dad was strict although there was a lot of alcohol and I was aware of a big age gap between my Mother and my Father. There was a lot of physical abuse. 'You know I only gave you a hiding cause I love you eh'.
"When my Dad passed, I went down the drug scene quite heavily. I had moved into Auckland city and was quite independent. At 14, I was selling drugs, taking drugs and working the strip clubs and around that seedy scene. I was into kickboxing which helped me survive the street life and was well known around the streets.
When I visited my family still in Hokianga (west coast of Northland). "we would go to the Catholic church when someone died, but that was Church for me really. I was always looking for a way to sneak out the back and go play with my cousins.
"At 16 I got a girl pregnant. She was Jehovah Witness and they tried to pull me into the Lord. I was interested, but that fizzled out and I went back to the drugs and left my girlfriend at the time to raise the kid, on her own. I wasn't ready to be a Father.
"I did my first lag in prison aged 17. From 17 to 24 I was in and out of prison for drugs, assaults and violence. That was all I knew. My Dad passed away when I was 20 and I really went off the rails. I didn't think I liked him because of my upbringing, but realised later I missed him and understood more why he did what he did. Before he passed he was in a wheelchair, frail and gentle, although when I knew him he was a big strong man.
"When I got out of prison, I turned to my cousin in the gangs and started cooking meth and was heavily into it. I was so into it, I didn't care when my Dad died, didn't go his funeral. I went to the funeral home to say goodbye but I didn't like any of my family at the time, who I felt had abandoned me and left me to grow up with him. After him I feared no one. I had that way about me and didn't really care about my life. I wanted to be the best at what I was doing, and at the time it was selling and distributing drugs, I knew it was really bad and I wanted to be the baddest.
"I was aged 24 and serving the final week of a 2 year sentence for a double kidnapping over a bad drug deal. I watched the new guys arriving in the vans. They had all these big ideas and it struck me, how stupid it all sounded. I made up my mind right there and then, I am never coming back here. Never again. I don't care what it is or what it takes, I am never coming back here again. I believe now it was the Lord speaking to me.
"A friend living on Waiheke Island invited me to go there and hang out. Instead I went straight back into drug dealing and cooking meth, even though I had worked hard to become fit and healthy and clean in maximum security. I got myself into a situation and found myself one night, standing on a doorstep with a gun ready to shoot a guy who had stolen money from my car. I got distracted and he pulled up his gun and whacked me across the face, and him and another guy worked me over pretty good. I don't know how I got out of that but God saved me somewhere in that situation also!
"When I woke up I was in a bush somewhere in the middle of west Auckland. Somehow I had managed to get away from the guys. I got on the phone and rang my friend on Waiheke, told her I was coming over and got myself across on the ferry. I got stitched up and spent the next few weeks on the couch recovering. On one occasion a guy called in and asked me if I wanted to do some work on a building site. A year later the boss offered me a building apprenticeship. I had deleted everyone from my past although I was still doing drugs, but it wasn't like before.
"At the end of the building apprenticeship I was in the pub one night, and met what was to be my future wife. 18 months into our relationship we got married and although she knew about my past, she had no idea who I really was. She had 3 kids and I didn't know how to raise them with love and respect, as all I had ever known was violence. My first introduction to Jesus was when she started walking with the Lord and invited people over to the house to pray for me and our marriage.
JEREMIAH
"This ugly women kept appearing to me in my dreams. She had a very gaunt looking face and long grey hair, and in my sleep she would scare me and wake me up coming at me snarling and spitting, gnashing her teeth. I knew then this was Satan coming to get me".
Part 2 of 2 parts
"A few more years of terror went by in our married life. We fought a lot, I partied hard with drugs and alcohol. I thought I had the right as I was head of the household, supporting her and raising her kids. This is how it should be as this was how I was raised. I had no guidance to be partner, husband, or Father. I thought I knew how to do it! I'm a stubborn person and I'm right and everyone else is wrong. I did this for years, lied, cheated and made my wife feel crazy with it all. Unbeknown to me, she had started praying. She said against her Mothers advice, 'I am not going to let him go, I believe in him, but we are going to pray'. Her Mum agreed all they could do was pray and they committed to 40 days of prayer to the Lord, for me and our marriage. Our relationship and my behaviours ramped up and up getting worse and worse. She was asking God to bring me to my knees. My wife although praying still had not fully committed to the Lord but as she was praying she moved closer and closer to God.
On the 40th day of prayer it all blew up and we had a massive fight in the middle of the day, the Police were involved and I was kicked out and had a PSO (Police Safety Order) order against me. I felt in my head like everything had been noisy, so noisy and then bang, there was silence… Nothing. I was sick of this life, a wife and raising her kids plus our own baby aged 7 months. I'm going to get myself all the drugs I want and get back to what I know how to do best. Two weeks in, I overdosed. I was really bad. I realised, I actually hated this life I had returned to, and missed my wife and our family. I rang her and begged her to come and see me and help me. She arrived with a vegetable juice and asked if she could pray for me! I just broke down and as I released it all, I confessed to her what I had been really doing that she had been suspicious of. I apologised to her and asked if I could come home. I said, I think I need Jesus!
"She left me to sleep it off and as I slept over the next 2 days, this ugly women kept appearing to me in my dreams. She had a very gaunt looking face and long grey hair, and in my sleep she would scare me and wake me up coming at me snarling and spitting, gnashing her teeth. I knew then this was Satan coming to get me. It was real. I was petrified by this women in my dreams and afraid to go to sleep. I rang my wife, told her what I was experiencing and how terrorised I felt, and asked if I could come home, now. She said yes so I hopped in my car and every car I passed this long haired women was in the car, staring at me, spitting out the window and gnashing her teeth at me.
" As I came down the road towards the driveway of the family home, this woman was sitting in a car on the corner screaming at me. I knew it was the devil and I wanted to drive my car straight into her. As I swerved around the corner ready to enter our steep driveway, the whole road was filled with blackbirds, a black mass screeching. I uttered a prayer 'Lord help me' and I gunned the car through the blackbirds and into our driveway. As I made it to the top of the driveway and stopped the car, I felt the sun on my face realised I was safe and had made it through. My wife seeing my ashen face told me again, I needed Jesus. She told me to get into the shower and imagine the water was the blood of Jesus and to let Jesus wash away all my sins and cleanse me. I realised as soon as I uttered the words I think I need Jesus, I began having these evil visions and torment. It was so powerful and real. In the 40 days my wife and her Mother had been praying, God brought me to the end of myself and to repentance.
After about 5 years I secretly went back to my old life. What made it worse this time was I had made a commitment to the Lord, and although I thought I had hidden my back sliding from my wife, there was no hiding it from the Lord. I was living in the world with just a touch of prayer and fellowship. Enough, I thought to keep up appearances. I felt God was whispering to me to move away from Waiheke Island and back to Tauranga.
"The hook back into the old life was powerful and I eventually had to admit I could not do it on my own. We were led to a new church where I heard convicting messages, that spoke to my soul. I needed revelation moments to pull me in. As I listened often I would feel goosebumps. I was really shy around Christian people as they had never been my people. They were all too happy to see me. But now I have learnt to love them so much and the church and the pastors. One day I felt God say to me, if you're going to do this you need to stop drinking. So together with my wife, we stopped drinking and over many months have grown and appreciated a stronger marriage, and found God really showing up in profound ways. My final addiction vaping the strong stuff. God told me to leave it alone one day. His voice was loud and clear, to the point where I replied out loud, yup I'm done with it. Every time I felt the urge I would declare 'no weapon formed against me shall prosper'. It's so good to now be free of all addictions, that final crutch, and give God the glory. We had been praying for our kids to come to the Lord and just in this last month we have seen them all come to faith. We baptised two in our pool, our son has found his place in the church with others of his age and can't get enough. Being around other men solid in the Lord and hearing the prayers when we stand up as men, our family follows. Iron sharpens iron.
The miracles are still happening for me as I still feel like a new believer. God has had to show up as strong as He has, so I would believe and bring all the kids with me as well. Such a journey learning obedience and putting my trust in God. I cannot fathom the extent of His favour and blessing in our lives. The difference now is I am filled with the Holy Spirit and God is guiding me. Off the back of prayer, God has transformed my life.