**CONTENT WARNING: Some readers may find content disturbing with references to medical disorders, violence, alcohol and drugs.
PETUERA
"I came out of a life of survival, into a life of revival in Christ."
Joshua.24:15 NLT "But if you refuse to serve the LORD, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served with Euphrates and Ammonites... but as for me and my family we will serve the LORD."
"I was born in Hamilton with cleft palate [no rooftop in the mouth]. I spent the first three years in hospital having surgery after surgery to repair the roof of my mouth, so the hospital became my second home. At the age of 4, I had surgery on my eyes for amblyopia [lazy eye where pathways between the brain and eye are not properly stimulated.] The ENT specialists said it’s likely the 'disease will be incurable', so Mum refused to do the home care required. Going to school as a child, I had to take special speech therapy to learn to speak clearly. At the age of 9, I became very sick with bronchiectasis [a long-term condition where airways of the lungs become widened, leading to a buildup of excess mucus making breathing difficult] I was drowning in my own mucus. I endured another 3 years in hospital with this disease passed down from my mother's line, and one that has taken many family members. This required 75% of both lungs to be removed. I had physio for many years to remove the excess mucus on the lungs.
"Being in hospital for so much of my early life meant I never actually grew a real relationship with my family at home. I struggled to build connections with my siblings and having my Father in my life who was not their Father, actually created more animosity.
"Both my Mother and Father loved the free life where Mum would run away with us kids to her family, and Dad was left searching for me for days and weeks. God was not a priority in our family, although Dad enjoyed watching 'Praise Be' on Sundays. Alcohol and abuse were commonplace and I felt like a yoyo pulled between two parents who were not living together but constantly fighting over me. I was the youngest of 4 children until years later we adopted my sister, and then another sister was born. We struggled a lot. Life was poor because of the choices Mum made and the lack of support received. At school I was well behind and could not participate in any physical activities. I was treated as an outcast, teased and friendless. I struggled in education. Struggled to make friends. Struggled with my health. Struggled to get on with my own siblings. The only life we knew was to steal to survive.
"I was 10 when I first heard about God, through my Christian primary teacher. He arranged weekly Bible classes with a couple from his church. I was more interested in the stories, not the puppet play time and intrigued with the class work we were given. I had no colouring pencils like the other students, but when I was given some pencils by this couple, I always won a prize for doing my book up well. While the man gave Bible lessons, his wife always watched and sat with me and said, 'Jesus loves you Petuera'. I ashamedly laughed, but it birthed something in me. I believe the couple always prayed for me and this was the first time I discerned the voice of God.
"At the age of 12, I was standing outside a Maori cultural class [Māori performing art involving singing, dancing and acting out traditional songs and dances] and this is when I first started noticing the Māori culture and what was taught about the gods, didn't seem right. I felt more scared of all these gods and protocols rather than feeling peace. I knew in my heart there can't be lots of gods. I first heard in my spirit there is only one God. Then I wondered, do I need to be scared of Him too? As a child, I asked Mum who Jesus was, and she told me, 'He’s in the sky and sits in the clouds'. At Intermediate [middle school], I had another Christian teacher for two years who would always support me and help me at school because she knew my background. I believe she too prayed for me all those years.
"When I got to high school I decided to take education seriously. Our lifestyle at home was not great. My siblings had it hard and lived the survival code of stealing and robbing. They all became parents very young, but I decided this was not the life for me. I wanted to get out of that mindset I had been born into. I wanted a career and a future and wanted to break free. I decided education was the answer.
"I was 14 when I had my first drink of alcohol. I thought it was a normal part of life. That is all I seen growing up and all I knew. I thought it was cool to drink with family and I felt accepted, but the consequences generally led to fights and disagreements. Nightclubbing at 16 was fun and I loved that life.
"I was the only one in my whole family (on both parents' side) to complete school. I attained school certificate, then 6th form certificate, and I did 7th form via correspondence because my mother couldn't afford to pay my Bursary and Dad refused to pay despite him being financially able. I passed exams and got awards every year at high school, which shocked my family. I was chosen in 6th form to receive a huge trophy (a Māori carving) 'Diligence for Māori student of the Year'. No one in my family believed me and refused to attend the prizegiving graduation because they thought I was lying. I went up on the stage to receive this award, with no one to support me. It really hurt! When I took it home, they were all shocked and realised I didn't lie. Personally, I was scared of that carving as I sensed an evil presence and I was glad to take it off the dusty shelf one year later and return it to the school.
"I continued on to Polytech and studied a certificate in Legal Executive and Administration. However I didn’t complete the course because of problems at home and I really wanted to go to University to study Law. I also completed a paper in Human Resource at Polytech and loved that. My family couldn't understand my journey and sometimes thought I was wasting my time.
"I eventually moved out of home at the age of 18 because life there was just too difficult and I boarded with my cousin. Living there was not the best, but I wanted to support her and her babies. I got accepted into Waikato University and went on to complete a 4-year Bachelor of Arts degree (BA) in Social Science; majoring in Industrial Relations and Human Resource Management. I really enjoyed the Uni life, partying, renting my own flat, and the freedom. I loved it and it felt like I had made it out.
"In my final year of Uni I met my children’s father and fell pregnant with our first daughter. This was my first long term relationship; my only proper relationship and it was toxic. Drugs; primarily weed, and alcohol were a big part in this life. It was not a good relationship at all, but again I thought the drugs, alcohol and violence was normal, but it was not the life I wanted for me. Within a short time of meeting, the physical fighting started. It brought the ugly out of me. So I always kicked him out of my house because I wanted to live away from that toxic life, and I wanted to complete my Uni BA before my daughter was born. I had to fight for my survival in that relationship because it brought out the worst in me.
"I always perceived church as boring with a God who just wanted my money. I was walking home from Uni one day and felt in my spirit the Lord asked me 'will you follow Me?' I said NO. I carried on walking home and that is when things began to spiral out".
Zephaniah 1:6 "Woe to those who turn away from the Lord, those who have not sought the Lord or inquired of Him."
PETUERA
PART 2
"I was so insecure. My trust issues were out the gate. I had my hard-earned degree but now needed to focus on raising my daughter. I then fell pregnant with my first boy. Same Father, same lack of support, same violence. We became homeless for 6 months while I was pregnant with our son, because my family did not like my kid's father. They said they would look after my kid's and me, but my partner had to go. The kids father was in and out of our lives and hard on our son, so I sent son when he was a baby, so I sent him to my mother to be safe. Then I was a Mother of 3, before I turned 26. A cycle of abuse, drugs, alcohol which I grew up seeing as a child, became the life I was living. I went with my partner, and let my kids be with my parents cos I knew they had a roof over their heads and would be safer with parents. When my 4th child was born my sister wanted him but I declined. Eventually I set up a home for me and my kids, and my partner continued to come and go as suited his lifestyle.
"There was a big blow up between my family and the kids' father, so me and him separated. My kids were 3, 2, and 1 when my Mum passed away from the same genetic illness; Bronchiectasis. Even though she had her problems, she was the rock in our family. During my mum’s funeral I knew I was pregnant again but I miscarried her. This nearly took my life too because I lost so much blood and ended up in hospital for a week to rest.
"The kid's father started getting into my head saying your family doesn't care about you, and they don’t care about our children. I believed him. Therefore, hoping for a new start away from my family who I felt disowned me, we moved as a family, away to another town. This is where I came to accept the truth that we were no good together, although I wanted my first 3 kids to have a father in their life like I did, but when I fell pregnant with our last child, we decided to separate for good. I was striving for a better life with my children but couldn't see how to get out of it. I felt yoked to it. I didn't want that life around my kids anymore but I wondered how I would live without him. It was around this time when I felt the Lord speak to me again. 'If you love him you will let him go'. I said yes, and let him go.
"I was so desperate for love, support and protection and it broke my heart to know my kids' father with another partner. His family tried to give me a bad name and told me I was not welcome in their home, and any communications to him had to be through them. This added to my pain. I felt both my family and his family turned their backs on me and my kids except my Dad. He was my rock. Dad became a father figure to my children during their times with him and he made sure they were his priority.
"The children’s father was dishonest and knew how to manipulate his family. I was trying to grow myself but looking in all the wrong places. I would look for friends and potential partners but I didn’t want these men around my children. It was all about my kids and I wanted them to be safe, grow together and have the life I never knew. I felt it was better for us all to be together and even though we didn’t have much to live on, I did my best to ensure they received an education and were safe every day.
"I originally moved to Tauranga to join a dance crew and started getting interested in gym, Zumba and walking; but most importantly I also wanted find out about God after visits from Jehovah Witnesses. Before I moved to Tauranga, all my neighbours were shutting their doors, but I was welcoming them into my place as I wanted to know more about God and was desperate for new beginnings. They spoke about God and end times and asked if they could pray for me. This was my first introduction to prayer. I started praying in the secret place, and that’s when I grew a desire to move to Tauranga. I started taking prayer seriously when my landlord gave me a deadline to move out. I looked for houses in Tauranga but every attempt was blocked. Therefore, one night I cried out to God." If you're real, get me a house in Tauranga." I sat up in my bed with the kids all asleep, crying my heart out to Him. The very next morning we got a house to move into in Tauranga. I didn't even go and look at it, but that was a miracle and I knew God was real. Everything just fell into place.
"Moving away from my Dad was hard because he didn’t want me to go back to my children’s father who also lived in Tauranga, but I promised him I would never go back. I was so lonely and a part of me still chased after the worldly life of parties, alcohol and weed. I prayed for a man who would love and accept me and my kids. The party life was my world and the only way I knew how to meet people, but my priority was always to protect my kids and keep them away from that dark life. I was on the benefit but always managed to survive. My days in Tauranga were made up of gym, Zumba, kids at school, walking, getting drunk and stoned. Again, I cried out, "God I know You're real. You've already given us a house close to the school I wanted my kids to go to." The house wasn't great, but I felt God assure me, this was only a stepping stone. I would pray “God, please plant me in a church who will accept me and the kids and I do not want to go church-hopping.” Different churches were suggested by people I met, and a couple of mothers from my son's daycare prayed for me for over a year and then one of the mothers confronted me and asked if I wanted to go to a Bible study with her. Again, I said, no I didn’t want to give up on the world. I was too afraid to give up the only life I knew. I still prayed but wasn't ready to leave the life I loved. I carried on down that spiral of worthlessness and fear. One morning I walked the kids to school and felt this dark presence over me. I just wanted the ground to open up and take me with it. What pulled me out of that dark trance was the thought, don't forget the kids. The kids need you.
"After yet another party I was so hung (hung over) and just wanted to sleep. My son aged 8 came to me crying saying 'Mummy, I'm so hungry, can you make me some food'. I could see a reflection of my childhood and it scared me. It was like a light bulb moment. I got up, showered and we went shopping. While we were sitting in a local bus shelter, I heard a voice say to me 'what about the kids Petuera'? I said in my head, they're fine. But the voice persisted 'no, what about their future'? I couldn't shake the voice off and therefore I made the decision, I will go to church with my kids. It was a battle because I thought to go to church you had to be dressed up and rich. I discovered the fellowship my friend had invited me to, was also walking distance from our home.
"The following day as we walked to church, I heard this beautiful singing. It sounded like a choir, and I thought they're awesome singers. As we approached the building the beautiful singing grew louder and louder, but when we went inside there was only one person singing. I felt the love of God instantly. The sermon was on prayer!
Matthew.6:6 “But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.”
"I respected the senior Pastor like a spiritual Father, and I felt accepted by God and the people there. I was encouraged to get Baptised and the following Sunday I finally made that commitment to follow Jesus. It felt like I had found the missing piece of the jigsaw of my life and the fit was perfect. The missing piece was Jesus. The week leading up to my Baptism was a battle, but I had given my word. When I went into the waters of Baptism it was such an awesome experience, a massive transformation. It felt like everything became so clear and full of light. As the Pastor prayed over me to receive the Holy Spirit, I felt a hard clump, like a rock pushed out of me.
"I told my companions, I wanted no more drinking, no more weed and no more sleeping around. Now I’m Baptised, I don't want to ruin my body but honour God with my whole life. Every desire for alcohol, weed and desire for men was gone. I want to save myself for who the Lord has for me, and I'm prepared to wait. But for now, Jesus is my husband, my ever-present partner. Getting Baptised, it was time to let all the pain from the past go. There was a calling in my life to children's ministry and leadership, but mostly to Bible College. I got my smile back. When I came to the Lord, I said, 'I don't know You God, so teach me as I'm willing to learn more of You'.
"I grew a love for the word of God and honestly, I cannot go a day without His word. His words are like an imprint on my life.
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.
"My children now say 'Mum we are so glad you found God and we grew up knowing the Lord and going to church'. They see how strong I am for God, and what the transformation it brought to my life as well as to their lives too. It hasn't been an easy road, but our life is now following Jesus and never going back. It's the best life ever. I was Baptised in 2013, and in 2014 I started Bible College which I completed in 2018. God provided everything I needed. I got a car and a job where I started using my BA degree and supporting people in the community. I got to travel overseas on mission trips and really see the goodness of God for who He truly is. I knew God was going to use me in a powerful way. My life is all for Jesus.
I came out of a life of survival, into a life of revival in Him.".
Galatians.2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me".