ROSALIND
“I was raised on a little island in Iceland with one brother, in a home where our parents worked hard to provide. I didn’t really feel a deep connection but thought this was normal as my parents worked long hours and I didn’t see a lot of them. I learnt to be quite independent and take care of myself and my younger brother. My grandparents lived next door, and I was grateful for the close relationship I had with them.
“At just 14, I was an innocent sport-loving, musical schoolgirl when I met my future husband. Strict boundaries were enforced as Oskar was 5 years older, a popular muso with long hair, and living a wild lifestyle. My parents did not receive this well and they did not want this path for their child.
“I was very shy, and he was very respectful as we got to know each other over the next three years. Our relationship deepened and at 17 it was found I had serious melanoma cancer. The doctors wondered if I would survive and through it all Oskar was very kind and supportive. As a couple we began searching and reading the bible, curious and seeking answers to the mysteries of life. I picked up a Gideon bible whilst in hospital and told the Lord I didn’t want to die as I was so young. The Lord gave me Psalm 118:17 “I shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord”. I held onto that.
“We were deeply in love, and I moved out from my parents. Then when we gave our hearts to the Lord, a wall came up between them and us. In our population of 4,500 on the island, everyone knew about us, and we were an embarrassment to our family because of our faith.
“When at the age of 46, married and with a family of my own, I looked back on my relationship with my parents, I realised with sadness there had always been a distance between us. They had not wanted me to holiday with them; they simply went through the motions of providing as parents but not on any emotional level.
“We had been living in New Zealand for 6 years, and on this day I was at a Christian teaching course. As part of a study, I was asked to reflect on a deep-rooted fear. I realised I had long carried a sense of not being enough, and a fear that I might fail others. One of the questions invited me to consider what my mother’s pregnancy with me had been like. It was a connection I had never thought of before, and I had never had this conversation with my mother. I was a prem baby so I wondered if there may have been some trauma or stress during that time, that I may have carried with me even from her womb.
“I didn’t know at that time, at that very same hour while my phone was turned off, my aunt’s daughter desperate to get hold of me, had phoned Oskar.
“This one phone call changed my world.
“The man I called dad, was not my real father!
“My aunt revealed that my mum was already pregnant when she was with dad, and all the family knew but nobody had told me. It was a family secret.
“Although it explained so many things, I was deeply hurt and shocked. It was an emotional rollercoaster. I didn’t know what to do with this information.
“I phoned members of my own family and asked if they knew. Yes, they did.
“My next step was to call my parents. I imagined my mother would break down, cry and admit she had wanted to tell me for a long time. I thought this truth might restore some intimacy and deepen our already fractured relationship.
“With Oskar’s support, I spoke to my mother over a video call back to Iceland. With dad sitting beside her and I asked them to be honest and tell me if there was truth to what I had been told. Both my parents denied it and said it was just nonsense. They laughed and pressed me to say who had told me, but I avoided answering, instead pointing out the whole family knew and had kept this secret my whole life. My mother appeared more concerned she was the victim of this cruel rumour. In the background I heard my faither say “I don’t know any better that you are my daughter”. I thought this was an odd response if he was positive I was his child. They moved on to speak about the weather before ending the call.
“When I got off the phone, Oskar and I looked at each other and said, “what was that about? I thought I would receive a follow-up phone call from them explaining it all, but no. It was just so weird.
“Within 10 days of this call, I had been diagnosed with kidney cancer. I was overwhelmed and so emotional. I needed to focus on my health and shelve the paternity issue. One of the questions asked during a medical was if there was a history of this in the family. I had to ask my mother, and she said she didn’t think so.
“A couple of months later I wrote to them, asking them for answers. I tried to share with them the effect on me and my family. I invited them to come on this journey with me and said we could do this together. They were not interested and said they could not give me any answers.
“I felt alone, but with Oskar by my side, I was determined to find out the truth.
“I had so many questions about my biological father. Was he alive? Where was he? Did he know? Was he a good person? Would he want to meet me if I could find him? What happened 46 years ago?
“First, I needed proof. My dad’s sister (my cousin) who first made the phone call, had recently taken a DNA test. If I did one too, it would show whether we were biologically related. I did a DNA test and waited 6 long weeks for the results.
“In my heart I hoped he was my dad as this would explain their response and spare me from facing a different truth. The result showed she was not related to me, so he was not my father.
“When I told my mother, she responded with ‘thank you for telling me darling’. But I pressed on asking if she would help me to find out who my biological father is? She would not answer me.
“Night and day Oskar and I scrolled through birth notices, death notices, photos and connections. It was relentless. Through a long process of elimination and with the help of social media, I was told mum, and some man had met on the south coast. I knew my mum had lived and worked there for a time. The only information I had from a family member was the possibility that my biological father was from the south coast of Iceland. From my DNA search, I narrowed down the possibilities to just 5 people and sent out messages to them all, but they were all from the west coast. Every connection gave us hope but when dashed, we were so disappointed. We were like the CIA and our kids remember being told to make themselves sandwiches as I was too busy to cook!
“Much later one of those 5 contacts remembered something. He thought there may be a connection with his uncle who had met a lady on the south coast in the 1950s. She fell in love and together they lived on a farm there and raised seven children including twin boys born the same year as my mum. Further research established there was a power station being built at that time on the south coast, that both my mother and one twin had worked at. When I found a photo of him, I imagined there was a likeness.
“When I checked further, I found he had just one son and a photo on social media showed a likeness between him and our first-born son. My heart was thumping but I tried to steady myself, mindful of the many dead ends I had already faced. I decided to simply sit on this information until I worked out what to do with it and how to proceed. I did not want another rejection.
“In secret Oskar messaged the son living in Denmark. He was a musician in a famous band. I was later told he was most surprised to receive a message from ‘some Icelandic priest’ living in New Zealand asking if his grandfather was this certain person. Oskar followed up with a second message revealing the reason for his contact, stating he was most probably my half-brother. I was later told; he was sitting in Denmark drinking his morning coffee when he read this message. He leapt up spilling his coffee in the process and immediately messaged back saying he hoped this exciting news was true as he had always wanted an older sister. It was agreed he would contact his father.
“All my pent-up emotions came out. I cried and cried believing if my half-brother responded with such enthusiasm, my biological father might also.
“When the message from the son was received by the father in Iceland, he knew it was true and although he had not known my mother was pregnant, he was able to piece together the truth. He had heard through friends she was pregnant and wondered if the child might possibly be his. He never heard from her, so he let it go, but for 46 years the thought came back to him. Could he possibly be the father of that child? So, when his son contacted him, he guessed he was indeed the father. He immediately sent off his DNA sample that proved this truth and was overjoyed to learn he had one precious daughter.
“What joy it was for us as a family to fly to Iceland to meet my biological father and my half-brother who travelled from Denmark.
“To this day my mother and dad who raised me have never admitted the truth.
“Looking back now, I can see how God had been weaving every part of my story together long before I could understand it. Meeting Oscar at 14 began that bond, and despite everything we faced, became a source of love and stability that carried me through. Only God could have known what I would need for the journey ahead, and only He could have so carefully prepared it”.
Psalm 139: 16 “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be”.